So… I’m love with one of my best friends, she’s older then me and has a boyfriend that isn’t me. It crushes me and I feel like shit everytime I think about it for an extended amount of time. I fight with myself between sticking to the hope it could some how work and giving up and trying to move on. Alright that’s it for now. I gotta distract myself before I do somthing stupid.
so for those of you who care. I’m gonna attempt to utilize this account alot more often with more stuf, cause facebook just wont cut it all the time. so if you’re down to see some of the sillyness i create whether it be any movie ideas i come up with or videos i make, cause I’m currently in film school and wanna do that more often. then stay tuned. im still going to attempt to post silly funny things i think of but just more stuff along with that. to be continued.
I’ve just gotta accept that she’s happy with who she’s with. Moving on from her will make me a lot happier then moping around cause I’m not her man. It’s gonna be tough as hell but it can be done, wish me luck person who is probably not reading this.
I’m really fighting the urge to splurge all my feels on here but it wouldn’t do anything, I can’t change what I’m bummed out about so I just have to get over it.
So I watched anchor man 2 tonight, literally nothing before that, super boring day till the movie. But for reasons I know of but don’t wanna post I started thinking about love and stupid stuff like that. I kept thinking about HER, and I didn’t really miss her, I just missed having someone that i could be open with and wanted to hear everything I said. I told her everything and she’d make me feel better by saying nice stuff and things I could do to distract myself or fix what ever it was that was bothering me. I have a semi close friend who I’m pretty open with but she’s got her own boyfriend and I’ve gotta get used to the fact that I’m not the most important dude in her life anymore, I’m not super bothered by it, I just miss having her to turn to about sensitive stuff. I’ve tried opening up with other girls and guy friends but they just not seem to care to much or are busy. So I’m slowly but surely realizing that it’s pretty much up to me to make myself feel better and I’m pretty much alone when it comes to stuff like this. I don’t have a girl friend to be intimate with and talk to about everything so I’ll have to get used to being alone and thinking about stuff on my own, and getting over stuff, basically, I think, building up a wall between my mind, feelings, and love life. And the world. I’m super bummed out and wanna sleep so I’m calling it quits for now.
So the past few days I’ve had since I wasn’t scheduled at my job to work and I finished school last week, so lots and lots of time to think and sulk in my mind about stuff I wanna do and stuff I hate about my life. Stuff dealing with girls and stuff dealing with girls I can never get. I’ve been trying to talk to this girl that I’ve been into for a few years on and off only because I’ve been into other girls and whT not, one of which was a huge train wreck and I don’t wanna remember it. But I’ve come back to being into this girl and she’s told me on several occasions that she doesn’t want to be with anyone. So the romantic in me says fight for her and be romantic enough to get her to give me a shot. But the other side of me says why should I even bother for someone who isn’t gonna bother any for me, so here I am just stuck at trying with futile outcomes and disappointing excuses. I invite her to do stuff but she’s constantly working and never offers up days when she’s off. I think I’m getting to the point where I’m gonna attempt to get over her, but still lingering feelings hold me from moving on to someone else. That’s all I have to say about that for now, update soon. PEACE BITCHES! Just kidding I don’t talk like that.
So I’m trying out alotta different ways of how to go about my life these days, and reading is one of the few things that I’ve adopted into my life to start doing. Along with that I’m on a attempt to keep a remotely regular scheduled journal entry in here, along with silly toby gifs that I find. So that’s pretty much all in all my plan, let’s see if I can stick to it.
im just trying to constantly have fun whenever I’m freed up i don’t see the issue with that
So there’s this scene in dexter season 2 where he’s about to kill someone but Lila talks him out of it, he gets back to her and she’s instantly comforting him, he lays in her lap and she’s calming him down and taking care of him. I don’t know why but it hit me so damn hard in my feels. I would love to come back to a girl who wants to comfort me and make me feel better. Being able to be held and told everything’s gonna be alright, now that’s a fantasy that I’d love to come true.